Cat - A migratory organism with a tropism for where it's not wanted
Cats don't get into mischief, cats are mischief
The cat could very well be man's best friend, but would never stoop to admitting it
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats for they are subtle and will piss on your: computer,
homework, laundry, carpet, stereo, all of the above
E Pluribus Meow - In cats we trust
We had to give away the kids - the cat was allergic
The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up,
it's always a cat
Dogs come when called, cats have answering machines and might get back to you
Some say that cats are sneaky evil and cruel. True, and they have other fine qualities as well
If a fish is the movement of water embodied, given shape, then a cat is a diagram and pattern of subtle air.
Cats don't want to own people. They prefer to lease with an option.
Cats keep their claws sharp because they know that just a purr may not be enough
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy!
A chill in the air, a cat on the lap, a mug of chocolate, and a good book. Ah, Paradise!
Why Cats Are Better Than Man
A cat always hits the litterbox.
Better chance of training a cat.
You never have to spend time with your cats mother.
If you ask enough times, a cat may actually listen to you.
You can de-claw a cat...Try to get a guy to trim his toenails.
It's ok if a cat rubs up against your best friend.
If a cat jumps into your lap, a little light petting will satisfy him.
A cat knows your the key to his happiness... A man thinks he is.
Every Thing I Ever Needed To Learn I Learned From My Cat.
Make the world your playground.
Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps.
If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do.
When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.
Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.
Nap often.
When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
Life is hard, and then you nap.
Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
When in doubt, cop an attitude.
Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy
them.
Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.
Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.
Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
When you have something important to say, try to say it in the dead of
night when you're *sure* everyone's sleeping. There's no better way to
get the attention you deserve.
Cat Etiquette
If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly.
If you cannot manage this in time, get to an
Oriental rug.
Determine quickly which guests hates cats, or are
allergic. Sit on that lap during the evening. He won't
dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty."
If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath,
so much better.
For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs
select colors that contrast with your own.
Always accompany guests to the bathroom.
It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
For guests who say they love cats, be ready with
aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick
nip at the ankles. Don't forget to hiss.
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one
open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws.
Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary
to use it. You can change your mind. When you have
ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half
out and think about several things. This is particularly
important during cold weather or mosquito season.
If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the
busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin,
unless you can lie across the book itself.
For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on.
After being moved for the second time, push anything
movable off the table -- pens, pencils, stamps -- one at a time.
Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh
for playing at night between 2 and 4 a.m.
For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to dose.
Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is
what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you.
Ignore it.
